Wisata masa lalu itu ternyata menyenangkan ya.

Racun sih. Tapi menyenangkan hahaha.

Kegiatan ini memang terbilang subjektif sih. Karena kan kalau lagi bernostalgia dalam pikiran gitu, secara nggak sadar pasti kita akan ingat-ingat yang indah-indah aja, dan nutupin yang nggak enak. Tapi berhubung gue agak masokis, kadang gue juga suka inget-inget yang sakit-sakit juga. Sekalian ngetes gue udah sampai mana sih perjalanan hidup gue sekarang ini. Maksudnya apakah ada sisa-sisa gagal move on atau bener-bener udah ada di langkah selanjutnya yang lebih dewasa. Ya untungnya yang kedua ini sih, jadi gue bisa mengingat berbagai macam rasa kenangan yang pernah ada seobjektif mungkin. Dan ternyata gue nemu kegunaannya.

Iya, sepahit-pahitnya masa lalu, ternyata lebih baik daripada pahitnya masa kini. Kenapa? Karena pahitnya masa lalu udah bisa gue lewatin dengan baik. Sementara pahitnya masa kini, gue belum bisa kelarin. Jadi ini kaya metode aneh gue buat menyemangati diri sendiri sih bahwa gue pernah kok ngadepin pait getir kehidupan dan sehat sentosa! Bahwa ternyata gue udah pernah ngejalanin proses move on yang lumayan elaboratif dan komprehensif.

Berhubung langkah-langkah ini sangat berguna, maka rasanya akan sayang kalo gue nggak tulis.

Iya, butuh sekian tahun buat gue untuk bisa look back dan mengambil berbagai macam sisi positif dan pelajaran hidup. Jadi beruntunglah kalian yang membaca ini, siapa tahu bisa membantu!

I've got a message from a friend who questioned me, "Is that true that the older you are, the less significant birthday is?" I have to think about it for some moments, then I replied in high confidence, "No it isn't! At least not for me".

I am always being a person who easily celebrate something. Yes I am a person of moment, that is how I called it. For me, a moment always will left mark in our life. Of course, I am talking about moment of significant thing, which will turns our life to another direction - how small the deviation degree is. And it is always worth it to celebrate. Positive moments, definitely. Negative moments, is good to be a remembrance and lesson of life. But birthday? Always! Especially if I am turning into a new decade.

I remember being twenty - ten years ago - it's about a new life, especially college life. My college life in Psychology faculty definitely changed me so much. Further on, that decade - the twenties decade - changed my life upside down. My very first solo-backpacker to Japan when I was 22 years old, and several months later, Taizé for three months. From that moment, it changed me in a way that I never dreamt or expected. I grew a "Taizé spirituality", tasted various of social works in various places, made a trip around Europe (twice!), stayed in Manila for four months, stayed in Glasgow for a year, ultimately I had a new career in film business.

It was the craziest decade so far. Well, hopefully.

Now I am on the beginning of the new decade. The 30s decade, or the fourth decade. Which is I heard - and logically - is more mature, more serious, and includes a life-long commitment either on job or relationship. Is that true? I don't know, but I cannot wait to experience it.

But how do I feel it now? Being thirty years old for the last few days, of course I feel more mature. Haha! But really, I am actually kinda excited to see what will happens in the next ten years. It will be difficult to set me apart from any kind of expectations, since I realize that the older we get then the more tempting we are to have any expectations. Of course, the twenty years old of me didn't experience a lot of things than thirty years old of me, thus it limited of any imagination or expectation. But now, I have seen a lot of things that I possible can and will do. Simply like marriage or do another trip around Europe (this time with Spain and Portugal ;p). But I really try so hard not to put that into an expectation. So maybe let's call it a life vision?

The other thing I feel is, my twenties is kind of laying foundation for our life what it might be. Yes of course, like studying and getting your first job, or even your travelling experiences. All of this experiences really upgrade, not only my skill and experiences, but also my way of thinking. I have skills in psychology major, I also have experiences in film business, then I also have wide experiences of cross-cultural life by all my travel episodes. Of course I learn so much from that. But somehow I feel that my next decade of being thirties is, I will cultivate all those "learning decade" and made something significant to the world. Hahaha I realize I'm not a prophet who can change the world into a better place, just what my lecturer in the university taught us. But at least, getting there along the way is possible.

Yes, my youth idealism is always want to do something significant in my society - whatever I do in my life. Working in a film business of course didn't set me apart from this idealism. I always can bring educative films to my society, which will inspire them to do something good to others. The other thing that I can do is, of course, having an inheritance and keep this legacy of prophetic idealism. Yes, before I die, I want to give a significantly-good legacy to the world I left, so at least the world will be a little better place - better than how I lived it.

Oh dear, I hope I didn't manifested those into expectations by put it into words. But at least, with how I put it into words and live the life in a flexible way, perhaps I can direct it unconsciously to the better life.

Cannot wait to live the fourth decade of my life!

Pixar is never exhausted to explore in the premise of "what if some things has emotions?" Toys, bugs, fish, even monsters were captured on what if they have emotions and they have to deal with some obstacles in their life. Now they are working on a deeper level;

what if emotions has emotions?

Even more complicated if they want the story has to be related to its audiences - in general context. In doing so, a fine research is a must. For Pete Docter and the gang, this is not a problem as they always include some psychological aspects in their films. Remember how Up (2009) dealing with grief and how the film portrays the Kubler-Ross' "5 Stages of Grief" in a very clever way? So surely telling a story about how emotions deal with their own and other emotions aren't quite difficult for them.

With this writing as a reading companion with my review of Inside Out (in Bahasa Indonesia), I will discuss some of the plot device of the film, and explore it with psychological perspective. In doing so, I cannot avoid some plot points, thus this writing will contain much of heavy spoilers. If you haven't watch the film, bookmark this page, watch the film, then come back here for further discussion. It is a long writing, will take about 15-20 minutes to finish it. So bear with me.

Awalnya gue memilih seperti itu karena bulan-bulan hectic dimana gue membantu persiapan drama jalan salib. Gue exhausted, dan sebagai introvert, gue butuh menyendiri untuk "recharge". Awalnya gue enjoy banget me-time yang gue lakukan. This is what I need. Tapi lama kelamaan kayaknya gue keracunan. Memilih me-time sebagai jalan untuk kabur, bukan untuk recharge. Lama kelamaan, tanpa sadar gue mengisolasi diri gue sendiri. Yang berujung gue semakin ga menemukan tujuan hidup akibat terlalu larut dalam pikiran sendiri. 

Januari 2014

Gue percaya ini adalah jalan Tuhan. Di pagi pertama tahun 2014, di desa kecil Cemoro Lawang dekat puncak Bromo, gue ketemu mantan gue. Yes, what a wonderful start for the year of 2014. Beberapa minggu sebelumnya, gue yang curhat konsisten dengan seorang sahabat udah pernah mendiskusikan hal ini; 

"Gue ga bisa mengingkari kenyataan bahwa suatu hari nanti, gue akan bertemu muka dengan mantan gue beserta pasangannya, dan pada saat itu gue harus kuat. Bahwa pertemuan itu akan membuat gue menjadi lebih kuat dari sebelumnya"